i have found that the key to having a ‘normal’ day is exercise. when i work out my mind changes a bit. I feel strong and healthy. I feel like I need calories to keep going, I feel more like a machine. Instead of something much worse.
If I work out early enough, I can keep this mindset all day long.
I know I must work out. I know I must keep moving. It’s the only way to keep ahead of the food maniac monster that lives inside me.
but sometimes I just get lazy and give up. I let the darkness win and I remain on the couch, in front of the TV. As the channels turn so does my mind. I start feeling unhappy with my appearance, my thighs and my stomach. Nothing good enough. the stress level rises and I start snacking. the cycle begins.
so I have started limiting my TV consumption as well. it only pushes my negative thoughts further along. So why bother?
Anyway, I spent about an hour in the gym today, and spend the rest of the day like a normal person. I ate lunch and dinner, as normal portions, with my husband.
when I’m in the other mindset I prefer to eat alone and never regular meals.
after dinner, I started to feel a slight twinge of guilt for eating a normal portion. I begin to feel the food in my stomach and it starts my stresses. To avoid over thinking this feeling, I went for a walk instead.
Outside in the warm air, with the company of my husband. We chatted about the weekend and the plans for next week. Food thoughts left my head completely.
I was normal once again.
I prefer normalcy. If the key to it is movement. I must force myself to keep moving.
I can’t stop. I can’t.
My goals for this week is to move everyday. Exercise of some kind everyday. I can’t talk myself out of it anymore.
